I’m not one to give with an expectation of getting. In fact, I’m not a very gracious “getter.”
So I was recently befuddled when I received this lovely recommendation after giving a presentation at Podcamp Ohio:
“I attended one of Deborah’s speaking sessions and she is amazing! I learned a great deal from her regarding social media marketing, organizing my time better and walked away with a lot of tools. She is engaging and fun as well!” June 20, 2010
Sheila Clover English, Social Network Committee Chair , International Thriller Writer’s Organization
I didn’t know Sheila. Has that happened to you? Someone gives you a recommendation on LinkedIn and after you accept it for your profile page, you are automatically given the opportunity to do the same in return.
Only problem is – I don’t know Sheila to give her a recommendation.
So I emailed and said thank you and said – I’d love to return the favor – any thoughts?
She responded back – yes – I have a radio show, would you be willing to be a guest and then you can see what I do and if you are so inclined – you can give me a recommendation.
I was thrilled. Absolutely. Just tell me when and where.
Sheila’s online radio show airs on Thursdays and she offered me the date of August 12, 2010. And then she gave me the best birthday gift ever…
“Would you be willing to be on a panel with Chris Brogan?”
Would I???? You betcha! Bonus. The giving just keeps coming back and back and back. It is a sharing of opportunities that benefit both parties.
For the six of you in the world who don’t know Chris Brogan (My Mom and kids were three of them. I was jumping up and down and they didn’t understand the magnitude of my joy), Chris is the owner of New Marketing Labs, his blog is ranked #3 in the world on the top 100 Marketing Blogs and he has over 140,000 people following him on Twitter. Best selling author – noted speaker – he is a gem in the industry of marketing and social media. His THREE WORDS are a classic strategy to focus your year and I’m a big fan!
This all happened because Sheila GAVE me a high compliment with a recommendation.
I wanted to GIVE BACK to her and wasn’t sure how.
She GAVE me the opportunity to help her and in turn provide a way for me to GIVE her a recommendation. Bonus!
- Chris agrees with me about giving recommendations but only to those you can actually vouch for. He wrote this today on his blog:
Only Recommend People Whose Work You Can Vouch For
I’ll say this once: if you recommend someone and can’t really vouch for their work, you’re just setting your own reputation up for a blow. Don’t do it. LinkedIn and I disagree in the area that I’ll link to anyone (are you and I LinkedIn? Connect with meand use linkedin @ chrisbrogan . com as my email address). But I’ll never recommend someone whose work I don’t know enough about.
However, just like my experience with Sheila – just because you haven’t worked with them doesn’t mean you can’t in the future. A simple email of “help me know how I can learn about your business so that I can recommend you” has led to a new friendship, business relationship and the chance to meet Chris Brogan over the Internet!
How can you reach out to someone today to make a difference and build that relationship in further?
The comments are interesting – some that agree and some that don’t. Here’s what I said:
I believe if we use social media as a way to connect – then yes, it can build wonderful relationships; with industry leaders as well as our customers/prospects. But if we use social media as a marketing tool and spend all our time selling – we run the real risk of damaging our brand.
The timing of this question is interesting. I wanted to write a blog post for my home based business blog and so went into my LinkedIn groups for home based business owners to see what current buzz I would find. In almost EVERY instance – the discussions weren’t conversations, they were links to articles, sales pitches for training sessions, products and webinars. All one way “look at me and buy from me” posts.
Not surprizing – there weren’t any comments. How is that a discussion? How does that build relationships?
I think if social media is used incorrectly, it in fact weakens not only relationships but our credibility and our brand positioning.
The question stayed with me and so I raised it at a business lunch. Here’s what the group had to say:
Some use social MEDIA as another way to push information out. They focus on the word “media” as an extension of their marketing/media campaign and ignore the word “social” altogether.
Perhaps a better way to think of social media is as a social NETWORKING tool. When we think of networking, we think of a give and take of information. Sharing information about our business and our perfect target prospect and in return, asking how we might help others connect with people who can help their business grow.
Someone else at the table offered this personal stat: I try to write eight status updates or blog posts about others for every one post that is a sales pitch for my business.
Interesting.
I have been harping that social media is a great way to connect with customers but if we are still unclear as to how to use this great and free tool as a relationship builder than doesn’t it just become more noise in an ever crowded marketing environment?
A friend forwarded me an email this morning that told of an interview Oprah had in April with Maya Angelou. It was Maya’s 70+ birthday and Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. She said lots of thought provoking, inspirational stuff as Maya often does but the one quote that really struck me was this one:
‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’
How true is that? Will customers remember the 20% discount we gave them or the fact that we were open in the evenings? Will they remember that we offered them coffee or used their name?
No, but it is all of those little details that add up when the customer thinks back on how the experience MADE THEM FEEL.
“Did you like shopping at the XYZ Store?” we might ask them.
“Oh yes, it was a great experience.”
“What made it so great?”
“I’m not sure, but I just felt good about my purchase.”
How do you make your customers feel? When they leave your store do they feel like they were valued?
Feelings – emotions – don’t come from the deal of the month but rather from the relationships we’ve built, the trust we garnered and the time spent with each customer.
Yesterday I was sharing Jeff Nischwitz’s thoughts on networking to build relationships in which he said it is more important to be INTERESTED than interesting.
I was reminded of that fact when thumbing through an old, worn copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, copyright 1936. In the section Six Ways to Make People Like You, the first chapter is called Do This and You’ll be Welcome Anywhere:
“Why not study the technique of the greatest winner of friends the world has ever known? Who is he? You may meet him tomorrow coming down the street. When you get within ten feet of him, he will begin to wag his tail. If you stop and pat him, he will almost jump out of his skin to show you how much he likes you. And you know that behind this show of affection on his part, there are no ulterior motives: he doesn’t want to sell you any real estate, and he doesn’t want to marry you.”
Imagine if we greeted every prospect, every customer, every new connection as if we were a happy dog wanting nothing more than to please? Put yourself in the shoes of the customer. How would it feel to be greeted so warmly and with such genuine interest?
Dale goes on to say:
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Give it a try today. Greet the next person you meet with enthusiasm and see if it isn’t contagious. Remember, people buy from those they like and trust.
Do you still view networking/after hours events as a race to see how many business cards you can gather? I just recently went to such an event where the host gave a gift to the person who’d obtained the most cards. How can you build relationships when all you really want is the card. And then what do you do with the card?
Jeff Nischwitz of Think Again Coaching shares his thoughts on how you can turn a networking event into a relationship building experience in this short but helpful video:
He offers three main points:
Be committed to helping others or giving back to the person you are talking to. Learn enough about their business that so you can offer a lead or a suggestion that can help them grow.
Be interested not interesting. I love this point and how he expands. It reminds me of those times when I’ve been having conversations with someone and asked them one question and they proceeded to talk for the rest of the evening. At the end they say “wow you are the best conversationalist.” I barely said a word, just listened, interjected occasionally and was genuinely interested in what they had to say.
Get rid of the question “what do you do for a living” and instead ask the person to talk about themselves. Jeff says “change the question to ‘what do you do for your customers.’”
Great ideas.
How do you build relationships at networking events?
I have a new customer. She is in the business of residential mortgages. Not a good time for her business, is it?
Actually – she’s doing great.
But oh those foreclosures. Bet she has a lot of irate customers, huh?
Nope. Currently her foreclosure rate is less than 1%.
So she just sells those small houses, right?
Nope. She’s certified and successful with the over $400k homes as well.
So what’s her secret? She sums it up in one sentence: “I put the customer first.”
Her salary is commission-based and if you’ve ever been in a job where your income is based on commissions you know that you pay close attention to the financial details. Unlike a job where you know what your paycheck will be, those who work for commission receive a different amount each month based on previous month’s sales.
“Oh, I never know what I’m going to make in any given month,” she told me. “I don’t worry about it. If I think about my commission then I’m not doing what’s best for my customer. However, if I focus solely on my customer, I TRUST that the money will be there. That belief has never failed me.”
Not even in this economy.
What can we learn from that approach?
My Dad was ordained as a commissioned minister of Organizational Development in the UCC of New England. He helped congregations resolve internal conflict. I remember him telling of a different approach to the annual pledge drive.
“Most churches ask members to give and once people make their pledges, the church budget is based on the amount of money raised,” he explained. “However, a more successful approach requires the church set their budget first. They determine their financial needs to operate the church and then what outreach or mission programs they’d like to be involved with and what additional services or structural needs they may have. Once they determine the final budget, it is presented to the congregation. In every case the money is raised to support the budget. In fact, I’ve seen churches raise even more money. Interestingly enough – the amount raised is always more than if they just asked people to pledge a certain dollar amount.”
Faith. Focus. Belief. Putting the customers and programs first and trusting the money will follow.
So let’s just work this out a little bit. What happens if I focus on the money first?
Each prospect is assigned a dollar amount – the potential sale they represent
It becomes a numbers game – the more phone calls, the more prospects, the more sales closed, the more commission earned
No time for relationships because I need to move on to the next possible sale
Difficulty sleeping as I lay in bed counting possible commission and subtracting it from the monthly bills to determine if there will be an excess or a deficit
Minimal repeat business – I didn’t build a relationship therefore there isn’t customer loyalty so I’m constantly looking to close new sales
How about if I focus on the customer entirely?
I learn about their needs
I listen to their expectations
I hear their frustrations with past experiences and hopes for the future
I uncover fears, road blocks and true needs
I provide solutions
Together we build a relationship
The customer is satisfied – feels valued – remembers us for the future, refers us to their friends
The quality of sale increases because I’ve uncovered needs they didn’t realize they had and offered comprehensive solutions far bigger than originally discussed
They become loyal customers, true friends
Can you see how focusing on the customer will ultimately drive the sales?
The phone rang not long ago, as it is apt to do, and the woman at the other end of the phone said:
“I know you won’t remember me, but I attended a seminar you gave about three years ago on Generational Marketing. Are you still on the speaking circuit? I really liked your speaking style – it was one of the only sessions that I stayed awake. I’m in need of a speaker next month and wondered if you were interested.”
Three years ago. Talk about planting a seed!
We never know how something we say or do will impact others. What kind of an impression will it make? How long will they remember?
In this “I want it now,” need-for-speed, immediate gratification world we live in, we sometimes forget that good things come to those who wait. That sometimes the best things are worth waiting for and some people just don’t need us and what we offer today - but if we make a good enough impression – they may need us three years from now.
So how can you leave a lasting impression?
One way is to make sure you are all about providing value. If you are constantly thinking about closing the deal you are going to miss the opportunity to make a positive impression. If the person doesn’t look like they will sign on the dotted line that very minute, we may lose interest and move on to someone with their wallet open, money dangling. People can sense your motivation. If they feel you are only in it for what they can provide to YOU, you’ll be forgotten in the time it takes to make eye contact with the person standing next to you.
However, if you show genuine interest in those you are meeting and talking with – if you ask questions – if you share your knowledge – if you give without expecting something in return – you’ll stand out. You’ll make an impression.
Take it a step further. GIVE SOMETHING AWAY. Yesterday I was talking with a prospect about writing her website content. I submitted a proposal and she called to say it wasn’t in the budget right now. We talked about the possibility of just writing a portion of the site now and the rest later. In the meantime I said to her, “Something you can do for yourself is write a listing of key words and phrases that your web developer can put in the Source Code.”
As a webwriter I charge for the content I write – what is visible to the reader and what is hidden in the Source code for the search engine spiders. However, in this case I spent some time on the phone talking with her about things she could do on her own to help the visibility of her site. I’m not going to send her an invoice. It was just the right thing to do to help someone out.
What do you do to help someone out – just because it is the right thing to do?
Be yourself. Another way to make a lasting impression is to just be yourself. If that means, casual, funny and easy to be around – all the better. We been raised to believe we need to be in our three-piece suit, using our best grammar, high-fulooting vocabulary in order to be taken seriously in business. Trouble is – that stiff, professional exterior is difficult to relate to, can be intimidating and if you leave an impression – it probably isn’t positive. Be yourself. In order to make an impression, you need to strive to make a connection – start a relationship. It is easier to build a relationship with someone who is enjoyable to be around.
Be patient. You just don’t know when the person you are meeting today will need to reconnect.
You just don’t know if the person you are talking to will refer you to a friend. However, if you focus on being yourself, offering something of value, showing genuine interest in others and giving away information when it is needed – you’ll leave a lasting impression that may just knock on your door next month, next year or in three years from now!
I heard a story the other day that makes me wonder how you would react.
A friend of mine is a writer and met with a prospect to discuss the possibility of setting up a blog. She listened to him tell about his business and describe what he hoped to accomplish with the blog.
Great guy.
Great product.
As she listened she didn’t really feel like a blog was the right answer, but she couldn’t immediately think of another alternative. Because although he wanted to connect with others on the net – he really wanted to tell his story rather than start a dialogue. He was interested in search engine results and wondered at the length of time it would take to create a community.
He was right. The story he has to tell is one of innovation and safety and economics but isn’t really one that will illicit back-and-forth dialogue.
He wanted a multi-month agreement which would have brought my friend steady income and the opportunity to build a relationship with someone she was quickly growing to like and respect.
She put the proposal together and sent it to him, still not sure blogging was the right answer.
Later in the week she learned of a new tool that was more search engine oriented. Ron McDaniel of Employee Ambassador has created a search engine tool that looks like a blog in that it has regularly updated posts, but it works more like a search engine tool – very heavily focused on key words and target audience. The tool has a clean, focused look which centers the readers attention on a call to action offer. He provides key word research and monthly reporting. A tool more in line with what my friend’s prospect described.
She talked to her prospect and assured him that she’d love to work together but she’d found another tool more in line with his needs. By sharing this information – she instantly said goodbye to a regular contract and steady income.
What would you have done? What HAVE you done? Have you run across a situation where a competitor offers something more in line with your customer’s needs? Do you hand the customer over or try to replicate what they offer, knowing you aren’t as skilled and don’t have the same tools?
I told my friend that hopefully her prospect understands the sacrifice she’s made in the interest of what is best for him. Ultimately, she has planted the seed of a relationship based on trust and true understanding with this prospect. As a businessman, hopefully he has gained a new respect for my friend and will remember her in the future for other projects.
Be the First to Comment 
I’m not one to give with an expectation of getting. In fact, I’m not a very gracious “getter.”
Yesterday on LinkedIn I found a question started by 
I heard a story the other day that makes me wonder how you would react.
